“Advice from a Dog” by Adam Scheffler

 

I Piss expressively.

Detect the aura of seizures.

Judge objects first by movement,

then by brightness, then by shape.

Impersonate a helicopter

when reunited with a person you love.

And when you hear an ambulance

try to instigate a mass keening.

If worms grow in your heart,

call their number

the ‘worm burden.’

But have someone who loves you

administer a pill,

so each month the

worm burden is nil.

Get mugged by a cat,

and be able to smell cancer.

But smell also the worms coiled up in

the human heart, thousands.

A ‘wyrm’ is a serpent or dragon.

A ‘burthen’ is the capacity of a ship.

Picture their heart as an

aircraft carrier

covered in dragons.

Then, offer your condolences:

Lay your head on their feet.

Opportunistically lick their toes.

Have Bella be your most popular name.