{"id":4198,"date":"2023-02-24T11:11:30","date_gmt":"2023-02-24T19:11:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/?p=4198"},"modified":"2025-02-07T12:56:00","modified_gmt":"2025-02-07T20:56:00","slug":"advice-from-a-dog-by-adam-scheffler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/advice-from-a-dog-by-adam-scheffler\/","title":{"rendered":"“Advice from a Dog” by Adam Scheffler"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Issue<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Found in Willow Springs 91<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back to Author Profile<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n

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“Advice from a Dog” by Adam Scheffler<\/h1>\n\n\n\n\nhttps:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/332\/2023\/02\/Advice-from-a-Dog-Final.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\n\n\n

I Piss expressively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Detect the aura of seizures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judge objects first by movement,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

then by brightness, then by shape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Impersonate a helicopter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when reunited with a person you love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when you hear an ambulance<\/p>\n\n\n\n

try to instigate a mass keening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If worms grow in your heart,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

call their number<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the ‘worm burden.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But have someone who loves you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

administer a pill,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

so each month the<\/p>\n\n\n\n

worm burden is nil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get mugged by a cat,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and be able to smell cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But smell also the worms coiled up in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the human heart, thousands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A ‘wyrm’ is a serpent or dragon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A ‘burthen’ is the capacity of a ship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Picture their heart as an<\/p>\n\n\n\n

aircraft carrier<\/p>\n\n\n\n

covered in dragons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, offer your condolences:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lay your head on their feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opportunistically lick their toes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have Bella be your most popular name.<\/p>\n\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":25234,"featured_media":4191,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpo365_audiences":[],"wpo365_private":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured-work"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4198"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25234"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4198"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38848,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4198\/revisions\/38848"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}