{"id":2970,"date":"2022-01-04T17:00:13","date_gmt":"2022-01-05T01:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/?p=2970"},"modified":"2024-12-17T09:29:42","modified_gmt":"2024-12-17T17:29:42","slug":"six-poems-by-laura-read","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/six-poems-by-laura-read\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cSix Poems\u201d by Laura Read"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"80\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Found in\u00a0Willow Springs 80<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back to Author Profile<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n

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\u201cSix Poems\u201d by Laura Read<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

THE SPELL WE CAST<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wore white flats and her feet always<\/p>\n\n\n\n

looked cold. I invited her to my house<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and we spread our homework all over the couch<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and ate all the graham crackers<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and drank all the milk my mother<\/p>\n\n\n\n

had watered down with powdered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and made something between us just from the hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother took us to the thrift store<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and bought us cardigans and rhinestone rings<\/p>\n\n\n\n

someone dead had worn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some nights we drove to Cheney<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and stayed with her dad who let us drink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and smoke and wear his army jackets and camo<\/p>\n\n\n\n

pants when we went outside<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in the middle of the night to see what dangers<\/p>\n\n\n\n

we could find. Her face and neck<\/p>\n\n\n\n

got blotchy when she cried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She made me buy black boots with slits<\/p>\n\n\n\n

on the sides and listen to the Violent Femmes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and Annie Lennox. We had nothing in common<\/p>\n\n\n\n

except Annie singing Oh we were so young<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

as we drove down her street under<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the yellow maples. I liked the way the leaves<\/p>\n\n\n\n

flew around the car, and I liked listening<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to the sounds of the diner where Annie<\/p>\n\n\n\n

was singing, the spoons hitting the coffee cups<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and the people talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought maybe this is what it was like<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to have a sister, someone not like you at all<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but who had sat in the same car and heard<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the same songs, someone whose threadbare<\/p>\n\n\n\n

sweater you’d worn. Someone who had kissed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the boy you loved so you couldn’t talk to him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

anymore. Someone whose body slept<\/p>\n\n\n\n

next to yours in your bed and hers,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and all night you could feel the sighing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

space between you, where you almost touched.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wayward sister, weird sister, weird<\/em> as in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not pretty like the other girls with the soft<\/p>\n\n\n\n

hair and nice clothes. Pretty<\/em> is a word<\/p>\n\n\n\n

that hurts, its ts<\/em> like staples. Pretty<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like a camouflaged girl, like the sound<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of fifty silver bracelets clanging together<\/p>\n\n\n\n

on an arm, saying I need to make this sound<\/p>\n\n\n\n

so you will know I have something inside of me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

how else can you explain the way I can make<\/p>\n\n\n\n

this cigarette bloom with fire? Weird<\/em> as in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

we could see the future. For example, the boy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We put him in the cauldron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SELF-PORTRAIT AS FRESCO<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fresco means fresh,       means the plaster is wet               and you paint on it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and what you paint     becomes part of the wall,                    means a crack in the wall<\/p>\n\n\n\n

becomes a crack in a face,       a beautiful face.           Let there be a girl on the ground<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in a plaid uniform jumper,              the skirt lifted up.                   Let there be a knife<\/p>\n\n\n\n

hanging over her from a thread.          We need a tree,                apricot for the one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in her backyard.           Her mother sliced them in half.           Their skin tasted<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like her own.   One year the tree                          dropped all its apricots at once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paint something in the corner for death,            a full moon            perfectly still<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and then its reflection on the water, moving.                      Paint the long dress<\/p>\n\n\n\n

she wore that day.        Long like a girl from long ago.            Like maybe<\/p>\n\n\n\n

she wasn’t even there.                   I bought her a suitcase           to keep her letters<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but it’s only big enough           for her old dresses and coats.              They are mute<\/p>\n\n\n\n

so she can’t give them away.                   Let’s paint the suitcase.          A yellow dog<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a patchwork sheet                   a skein of hair              the wind’s fingerprints on the lake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The other day I saw a child cry.          The tears just came over her,  there was no<\/p>\n\n\n\n

stopping them         and I remembered being young            and how you can’t help<\/p>\n\n\n\n

anything           how someone can touch you   and make you feel good          and bad<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in the same moment,            how your body is always flooding          and cracking open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

GIRLIE GIRL<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s what we call a girl who likes lipstick<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and dresses and what my son has to call<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a girl in the play when he is coming on to her,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

playing Charlie Cowell, a salesman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

who sells anvils. He doesn’t have the time <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

but he sure has the inclination.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My son who is only fourteen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and who has never come on to a girl<\/p>\n\n\n\n

or a woman, who knows<\/p>\n\n\n\n

that girlie girl is a way to put girls down<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for being too much like girls<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and tomboy is a way to put girls<\/p>\n\n\n\n

down for not being girl enough,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my son whose first kiss is on stage<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when this girl tries to distract him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to make him late for his train<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not because she likes him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not because he’s the hero<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but because he’s in the hero’s way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My son who says he’s a character actor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not a hero, that his drama teacher said<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s good to know who you are.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But this is The Music Man<\/em>, the play<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with a swindler for a hero,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with the message that it doesn’t matter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

if you lie as long as you lift the spirits<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of the drab people of Iowa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s good to believe in something<\/p>\n\n\n\n

even if it isn’t true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was a girlie girl. Still am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look at my shoes. I always buy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mary Janes as if it would be disloyal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to choose something else, something<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with a pointed toe and a heel,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

something that somehow suggested<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a dark room with a piano, ice cubes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in short glasses, smoke swirling<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like the possibility of sex,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

only briefly visible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By girlie I mean like a girl<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and not like a woman. Which is what<\/p>\n\n\n\n

my son means when he propositions<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marion–he means she is still innocent,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

which he likes and wants to ruin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mean this is what Charlie means,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

not my son whose body used<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to live inside mine. But my son is the one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

saying the line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

NEITHER BRIDE NOR DAUGHTER<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once I went to a kegger at my childhood home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t know I was going but Jen was sitting<\/p>\n\n\n\n

on her dresser listening to the Eagles<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and curling her hair and then we were walking<\/p>\n\n\n\n

through the dark neighborhood and then<\/p>\n\n\n\n

we were on my porch and someone<\/p>\n\n\n\n

was handing me a plastic cup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said This is <\/em>my <\/em>porch <\/em>and he laughed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and said Mine too,<\/em> but it wasn’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He didn’t know there was supposed to be<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a brown-flowered couch in the living room<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and over the mantle, a print of a Rembrandt<\/p>\n\n\n\n

called The <\/em>J<\/em>ewish Bride, <\/em>16 67.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For all of childhood, it hung there<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and I never knew what it was called or why,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

how an art dealer said it was a father giving<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a necklace to his daughter for her wedding,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but how most art historians now think<\/p>\n\n\n\n

it is actually Isaac and Rebecca.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was another keg in my room<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in the basement. Strangers were moving<\/p>\n\n\n\n

between my invisible bed and my stereo,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

stepping over my clothes on the floor,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

staring at themselves in my mirror,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

wondering if they would ever be good enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The water rushed through the pipes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and the furnace made that sound<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like it used to. I had to stand in the corner,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

drinking and singing both parts<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of “Total Eclipse of the Heart,”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

holding the note at the end of Turn around <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

bright eyes <\/em>long enough to imply it was still<\/p>\n\n\n\n

going when I started Every <\/em>now <\/em>and <\/em>then<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I fall <\/em>apart.<\/em> This was the song I listened to<\/p>\n\n\n\n

late at night while I waited for my boyfriend<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to come pick me up so we could drive through<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the empty streets in the dark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Years later, that same boy will go back<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to that house to show me he remembered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

where it was. You know how they say<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the wind gets knocked out of you,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like there’s wind blowing through your ribs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

all the time and then suddenly it’s quiet?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the painting, the man and the woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

are not looking at each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like it when one thing covers another<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but not completely, like fog.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rembrandt was famous for his ability<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to concentrate light. In the painting,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the light shines on the man’s hand<\/p>\n\n\n\n

touching the woman’s chest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everything else is dark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SELF-PORTRAIT WITH SEAWEED AND MICA<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am sitting on the porch on our house on 19th<\/p>\n\n\n\n

staring at the tree I am too frightened to climb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am amazed by my legs. They are short and round<\/p>\n\n\n\n

with little blonde hairs that shine in the sun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like them. I have a scar on my right hand,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

close to my thumb, where a mother Dalmatian<\/p>\n\n\n\n

bit me when I tried to pet her puppy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The scar looks like a crescent moon in the daytime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am sitting in my desk at school, looking down<\/p>\n\n\n\n

at my stomach, thinking it wouldn’t be that hard<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to just slice it off. But how will I hide what I’ve done?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am swimming in Mica Bay with my boyfriend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He can’t float so I put my hand under his back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have to let <\/em>yourself fall into the water, I tell him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He can’t. Mica is shining slivers in a rock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The stars pull their needles through the water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the water, my body is secretly beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am a seal who has to wear the body of a woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one has touched it and said don’t tell anyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No boy has kept his picture of Tina on his dresser,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

putting it facedown when I come over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have never met Tina but I picture her driving<\/p>\n\n\n\n

down a California freeway in a red convertible<\/p>\n\n\n\n

that matches her red nails and lips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She is tan and thin, but in the water,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

our bodies are the same, our limbs light and swaying<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like a willow tree’s branches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I loved willow trees when I was a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You could go inside them and no one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

knew you were there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have a C-section scar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes it still hurts when I roll over in bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I open my eyes underwater,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for a moment I can’t tell the difference<\/p>\n\n\n\n

between the seaweed and my hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

PROOF FOR MY SIDE<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What you need to know is that a Lincoln-Douglas debate requires<\/p>\n\n\n\n

three judges in the final rounds. And that we waited in the room<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for a long time for the third judge who then sauntered in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

and said he would keep time and the other judges should share<\/p>\n\n\n\n

their paradigms first because he liked to go last. You also need<\/p>\n\n\n\n

to know that my son is one of the debaters and the other one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

is a girl with beautiful hair. The resolution this fall<\/p>\n\n\n\n

is Th<\/em>e <\/em>US. <\/em>ought <\/em>to <\/em>limit <\/em>qualified <\/em>immunity for police officers.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember when it was the right to be forgotten and all<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

we were talking about was erasing ourselves from the internet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not black men being pulled over and shot one after another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My son drew the affirmative and argued that the tyranny<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

of the majority over the minority results in the Trail of Tears<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and he said the girl with the beautiful hair was abusive<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when she said he had to change the whole legal system<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

to end racism, which I agreed with because how could Ben<\/p>\n\n\n\n

do that, standing there in his first suit, reading his case<\/p>\n\n\n\n

from his laptop with the stickers on the back that said<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hey<\/em> Moon<\/em> and Transc<\/em>en<\/em>d<\/em> the<\/em> Bullshit<\/em> At the end of the round,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the judges filled out their ballots while we sat in silence<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and the third judge again declared he would go last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first two judges sided with my son and the Cherokee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

walking from Georgia to Oklahoma in 1838 who needed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

no one to have any more power over them than they already<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

did and the girl with the beautiful hair who looked like<\/p>\n\n\n\n

just a few years before she was lying on her basement floor<\/p>\n\n\n\n

playing with plastic horses and dreaming they were real<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

and she could climb on one and it would take off running<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and her hair would fly behind her seemed to understand<\/p>\n\n\n\n

that she had debated well but had come up against<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

what was right. And then the third judge said he was voting<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for her and even though his vote didn’t matter because it was 2-1,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

he made us listen and we were trapped in that high school<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Spanish classroom, staring at Day of the Dead<\/p>\n\n\n\n

posters and thinking of the 234 black men who the cops killed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

this year while he said her argument was the Eiffel Tower<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

and Ben’s was that upside-down building in Seattle<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and I thought what upside-down building and doesn’t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

an upside-down building still have an architectural design<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

and speaking of Paris, had he seen the Centre Pompidou <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

with all its pipes on the outside so it looks like the inside<\/p>\n\n\n\n

of a clock or a pocket or a fantastic mind and then he said<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the Trail of Tears didn’t seem to fit and I thought seem? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

and why am I hating this man who is telling all of us<\/p>\n\n\n\n

that we have just witnessed Lincoln-Douglas at its finest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

as if that is what matters? Of course, he is not the first man<\/p>\n\n\n\n

who has ever told me what he said was the most important<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and his argument is so phallic and shining and pointing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

straight up to the sky where we keep the clouds and reason<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and God and why can’t I see it and all I have<\/p>\n\n\n\n

are the blue veins in my wrists as proof for my side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":25234,"featured_media":2796,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpo365_audiences":[],"wpo365_private":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured-work"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2970"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25234"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2970"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2970\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37962,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2970\/revisions\/37962"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2970"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2970"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inside.ewu.edu\/willowspringsmagazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2970"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}